A Sucky Day

Today was just that- a sucky day. I already felt behind because of the STUPID training session that was the biggest waste of time yesterday. I got to school really early and tried to be productive and was but still felt like I wasn't. One of the things that I was trying to do was get all this data on my students printed out for my BTSA event. I finally ended up getting into the data program but there was no way to get all the data into one big chart and there was no way that I was going to write down every student's information individually. So that was frustrating me.

Then in first period, I was being observed. I thought the lesson went really well and the kids actively were participating and I felt really good about how things went. First period is always, in any case, probably the most shaky period in general because it's the first time that you're teaching the lesson and there isn't anything to compare it with. So that's why I hate being observed first period. The other periods always are more stable because I can adjust and fix things that have gone wrong. I know that I'm not the only teacher who feels this way- Doug talked to me a lot last year about how first period is always the hardest because it's always new and untested. so I know that I shouldn't put myself down for not doing well first period. It's just hard knowing that I'm being watched at my worst. although I suppose, on the other hand, (I'm not sure how many hands I have at this point), perhaps it's best to be observed at my worst so that I know that in other classes I'm much more improved. It's still frustrating though.

Second period was pretty bad too because there was so little response from the students. I'll say it again and I've said it a million times. Teaching is not a one-man show. It's an exchange between teacher and student and when you don't have something/someone/the class to bounce ideas and exchange thoughts with, it is so hard and slightly miserable. Now I know why my teachers were always so eager when I raised my hand in class. I hate it when the kids just sit there and there's absolutely no response. It drives me crazy. And on the flipside, I absolutely love it when they come up with a great answer or really seem to understand where I'm coming from.

Third and fifth period actually both went great, which was really nice, and fourth and sixth were OK too, but the day just felt really long. And then after school, the BTSA lady came to tell me everything that I did wrong. She says that she's there to just observe and give back what she sees, like a mirror, and to not pass judgement or evaluate or anything. But does that mean that she shouldn't tell me what I'm doing well? Trust me, I know that I'm not a perfect teacher. I'm far from it and I accept that. Hell, I've only been doing it completely on my own for a month and a half. So, that being the case- don't you think I should at least hear some things that I'm doing well? Boost that confidence a little? No, I just felt like she was constantly telling me all the negative things that I was doing. No, not negative, I guess that's the wrong word. I suppose it was more like telling me all the ways that I wasn't helping my kids. Thanks, way to make me feel OK about myself and give me confidence to continue. I wish there was a Doug or a Don or a Patti or Deb here to watch me and give me both positive and negative criticism. Again, I know that I'm not perfect- far from it- but at least reassure me that I'm doing some things right!

Sigh, so that put me in a bad mood and really gave me lots of confidence for the rest of the day. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out how to teach the Constitutional Convention tomorrow and what I am going to do for World. I got seventh grade figured out and now I've got three hours until SVU or bedtime to see what I can do about the Constitutional Convention. I would love to do some sort of a mock convention but some of my classes are so small that I don't think it'll work. Hopefully if I can't think of something I can fall back on the TCI activity for that day which seemed kind of good.

I'm going to eat some ice cream.