Learning from Frustration and Obstacles

I throw up my hands

Oh, the impossibilities

Frustrated and tired

Where do I go from here?

Now I'm searching for the confidence

I've lost so willingly

Overcoming these obstacles

is overcoming my fear

-"For the Moments I Feel Faint", Relient K

Having just gone to the Relient K and Switchfoot concert, I've been listening to their music a lot lately. Today, the lyrics from "For the Moments I Feel Faint" just resonated in my head, especially after sixth period. Catherine and I are trying a new activity that we're calling "Universal Access". Basically, the kids are 27 different project options, ranging from writing and performing a play or making a 3-D model or writing a test and providing an answer key, etc. Basically, a huge range of options (plus their own choice). Several stipulations, though: they have to do a project based on one of our focus standards and the point value goes up by 30 for every student added to a group.

As part of this project, Catherine and I require a Learning Contract with the student. They fill out teh details of their project, letting us- the teacher- know exactly what it will take to compelte their proejct, what focus standard their project applies to, and their criteria evaluation. basically they have to give me a rubric for how they want me to grade their project.

Anyway, this is a very long-winded way of going about adn trying to explain why I was feeling the above lyrics so much. My sixth period class, a group of 27 kids, turned in six Learning Contracts. That just got me so incredibly frustrated because so many of them said "Oh, I didn't understand what to put here, I didn't get what to do here." Usually the questions don't bother me but in this case, we had spent ten minutes the day before answering questions! That stuff drives me up the wall. And then I get so irritable and feel like I can't do anything right. So I try and explain the rubric part again and again and I feel like there's this obstacle in front of me and the kids won't let me get past it. My patience decreases and my frustration increases and I end up getting upset at the kids. And then, when finally they're gone and the bell has rung, i realize that the majority of it is my fault because I had forgotten a few days before to show them an example of a rubric. I realize that not many of them even know what a rubric is and I'm a horrible teacher for not teaching them what it is! And then I just feel absolutely useless and frustrated and angry at myself! There are so many days where I feel so confident and so great about myself and then it just all collapses and I feel like I'm back at square one because of one little event. I really need to work on being more patient not with my students but with myself and realize that just as I give my students encouragement and patience and compassion, I need to give myself the same sort of encouragement and patience and compassion.